Only You Can Save Me
by Amas Veritas
Summary: RXS After a fifteen year separation, can one friend help another find a reason to live, before it's to late for him to be saved. Warning contains self-mutilation and drug use.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Only You Can Save Me

CH: 1 Meetings

**WARNING: **contains self-mutilation

Pairings RXS, others to be revealed later

Flashback

"Hey, you look stupid".

"Yeah you with the stupid white hair".

"Stop it'…

"God What a freak"!

"Hey, leave him alone".

"Oh, look its Sora come to play hero".

"What are you going to do Sora"?

"AHH"!

"Hey get this freak off me".

"Let's get out of here"

"It's okay their gone now", "what's your name"?

"Riku".

"That's a pretty name". "You shouldn't let those older forth graders pick on you"

"Okay","Sora …Do you want to be my friend"?

"Sure"

"Hey Sora you coming to play or not"?

"Ok I have to go now". "See you later Riku"

End Flashback

**POV: Riku**

That was the first time we meet, and from then on Sora was my one and only friend. Of course he had other friends, but I didn't. I just don't get along with other people, but Sora was always trying to get me to be more social and get more friends.

In the 3rd grade I had a total of 4 friends. Sora, Wakka, Tidus, and Selphie. I also had 1 enemy. Kairi. Just the sound of her name makes sick, because Kairi was always trying to take my Sora away. Those right my Sora. I had placed my claim on him back in 1st grade, and there was no way in hell I was going to let that bitch get her claws into him. Though at times now it seems my efforts were for nothing, because over the summer of 3rd grade Sora and his parents packed up and moved away. I never saw him again. I got a random postcard every now and then but tat soon stopped after about a month. You may think it wrong that I have been in love with my best friend since I meet him in 1st grade, but Sora and I just had this connection that made me feel safe and loved just that first day when he protected me from those bullies.

Even after this 15 year separation, I can still remember the color of his cobalt eyes, the sound of his laugh, and the pure joy he just seemed to give off, and even though 15 years has past I find that I am still in love with my best friend. I don't think I know how not to be in love with him, but this doesn't matter because he is moving back to the island today to live in his old house, across the street from mine. Everything will be like it was before. It will be as if their wasn't a 15 year separation, and maybe I will be able to tell him of my feelings for him. If you haven't figured it out yet I am gay. I think I first found out that one night Sora slept over right before he was about to leave for his new home.

Flashback

"Do you want to go"?

"You know I don't Riku", "I want to stay here, with the people and places I grew up with".

"Will you forget about me"?

"No, Riku never say that", "Your in my heart, and once your in their there is no way of getting out, no matter what you do".

"Sora… I think I...Lo"

"Don't worry Riku I will be back someday and then we can go on all those great adventures we talk about".

"I'll miss you Sora, a lot".

"I know Riku I'll miss you a lot too"," here Riku I want you to have my crown necklace".

"No, Sora it's your favorite, it's so special to you".

"Not as special as you are to me, take it".

"Okay, Sora I'll never forget you"

"I won't forget you either Riku"

End Flashback

Yes I think I will finally be able to release all the feelings inside of me…I wonder if Sora has changed much.

**POV: Sora**

It has been 15 year since I have been on this god forsaken piece of land. Being here makes me feel…it makes me feel what I want dead…myself. I feel the cold knife in my hand and press it to my skin, not enough to pierce it, but just enough to block the images of his green eyes out. For all I know he has already forgotten me, even though we said we would never forget each other, but that's life I guess. You can only depend on yourself.

But sill part of me wonders what happened to the boy inside me, the one who was once…happy. I don't think I have ever been happy any where else, surely not in the city. I guess I have only one more shot for myself, my last resort to. Feel anything, something besides the pain.

AV: Okay I don't exactly know where this came from but, here it is. I personally think it could have been better but, that's just me.

Alec: You can say that again.

Lynx: Yeah.

AV: I don't know whether I will continue this or not. This is kind of a personal issue of mine. It all depends on the reactions I get in my review, if there are any.

Alec: So once more hit that review button and review.

Lynx: Yes please do.

AV: I guess that's all for now if I update it the story soon it means I will probably continue on with it, or that I am just taking a break writing my other stories, which everyone should read. All for now. Review! Amas Veritas


	2. I'm Falling Again

Only You Can Save Me

Pairings RXS and any others I think of…randomly

Disclaimer: Don't own it wish I did though.

Warning: Contains self-mutilation.

CH: 2 I'm falling again.

**POV: Sora**

My old room still seems the same, four off white walls with random stains on them from past adventures. As I step closer to the walls I can see the place in the lower right hand corner where I carved my initials with my crown necklace points. It only seems like yesterday when I did it, but so much has happened since I was a child. All the pain I went through and all the sorrow I went through almost makes it seem like it never happened but, it is still there like a beacon that I was a child here, a child who was happy. Not much has changed says a voice from the door. You know Sora if you ever want to talk I am here for you, we made this move for you, all I want is your happiness. Thanks mom I say, walking slowly towards the open window. You know you should go find those kids you used to hang out with and see if they all still live here. Thanks Mom, I think I might do that. As she leaves the room I wonder why my mother always says I am here for you, when it seems like she is thousands of miles away. I don't see how I can trust her when she brings me back here. To a place most of me never wanted to see again because he was here. I never wanted for him to see me as I am now, all scared and broken as I am. I don't think there will ever be a way for me to be ok again. What I mean is I am far too gone, but impossible things are happening every day so you never know. I wonder all those times I wanted to give up I saw his eye. Those two neon green orbs of peace and serenity calling me back to a world of pain. Those eyes are my comfort and my pain. At times I don't think I can survive with out them and then they are what keep me here when all I want to do is leave this world. It's kind of funny that I want to die again. That's right again. I died by being hit by car, but paramedics were able to save me after a few minutes. At the time I saw it as a blessing but know I can't help but long for deaths oblivion especially when I can't find reason, reason to keep living. Sometimes it is easier than others but I can't help long for the release the knife brings, as it glides over my flesh I have something else to think about and can get away from my hell. I want to make the next time my final time but another reason I am bound here is my mother. Even though sometimes I can't stand her I don't want to leave her alone, alone to fend for herself. I also stood by her through during dad's death and I don't think she could take another. I know she still misses him. I can hear her cry out his name at night For ever reminding me that it was my fault. Yeah that's right my fathers dead because of me. If I hadn't of been chasing my new ball across the street he wouldn't of have to run in front of the car trying to save me. A lot of good it did him, for I still died. I think sometime my mom wishes it were me that died and my dad that was saved but he was killed on impact because of some sort of blood clot in his brain. They said even without the crash he probably would have died in a few weeks but it was still my fault…. I need it now. I need my release. The release only my knife can give me.

Flash Back

Mommy, where did daddy go?

He went to be with the angels Sora.

Why

Because it was his time.

Ohh. Mommy when will it be my time?

Not for a long time Sora.

END FB

I push the knife into my skin this time hard enough to penetrate it. I need this because it was my fault. I need to feel the pain of what I did. I need to let go and be free of this body to be nothingness, but once more as I am on my way the two green orbs surface bringing me back. I slowly get up and make my way to the bathroom. I put my arm under the faucet and watch the water takes on a pink tinge, just like last time, Just like every time. I wonder when it will be the last time I do this, when will I finally not care. The only answer I get is silence, which is what I expected.

**POV: Riku**

She told me to go right up, that Sora was in his room unpacking. I slowly made my way up, but on my way I heard a commotion in the bathroom, and paused turning to it. After a second or to I steeled my resolve to go in. As I opened the door just a crack I could see Sora bent over the sink washing blood off his arm. That's when I figured Sora had changed, and it wasn't a good one.

AV: Ok sorry to leave you there but it is late and I am tired.

Alec: Yeah Right. (Hit with random pair of socks) Hey

Lynx: You asked for it.

AV: Yep you did now I want to send thanks out to PyroFirePower and angel of light and darkness16 for reviewing my story. You are awesome.

Alec: Yeah you made her day

Lynx: Yep you did

AV: Okay I guess that's all till next time. Review… a couple times. They make me write faster knowing more people want to know what's going on. Okay that's all Amas Veritas.


	3. Kissing You Revised

Only You Can Save Me

Ch 3.

Pairing: RXS

Warning: contains self-mutilation, and

**Drug Use**

** REVISED I PUT MORE SPACES BETWEEN PARAGRAPHS IN**

**Sorry for all who tried to read but couldn't because of how the paragraphs were, **

**and I only had about five min. before I had to run off to a game so it still needs a **

**little more work. I will do the other chapters later, so if you want to go back and **

**read them you can now. I will try to do this to future chapters, and I would like to **

**thank FFS for bringing this to my attention.**

**POV: Riku**

I watch Sora stick his arm under the faucet. It tints the falling water to a pinkish color that cascades downward. I try and move away from the door but I find that I am glued to my spot. In some sick fascination of what is happening and what will happen next.

The next thing Sora does is to grab a belt and loop it around his arm and pull it taught. I don't understand what he's doing. The next thing I see Sora do is take out what I believe to be a syringe of sort. He sticks it in his arm waits a minute and then pushes what was ever in the syringe into his body. Maybe Sora is sick and he's giving himself some medicine. Yeah that sounds like a good reason, but a small voice in the back of my mind shouts it isn't, but when do I ever listen to that.

Slowly Sora gets up and cleans the mess he made. Once he had finished doing that he starts shedding his clothing and I decided that was the time to make my self known. I tap on the door and pause as I see him not even pause or make a recognition that a noise has come from behind him. I tap louder almost banging on the door that is still only partly opened. He still doesn't make any sign of recognition of a noise. I push open the door slowly, as not to startle him if he noticed it opening but he is still fiddling with the belt on his arm with his back to me.

I place my hand on his shoulder and I see him visibly flinch. He turns his head and I finally see recognition in his eyes, but then his eyes turn dark. Almost to a mid-night blue and for the first time I am scared of Sora. He mumbles something about it being to soon for the eyes but now I think Sora might be delusional. Must be a side affect from the medicine he's taking.

" Hey Sora, welcome back" I say putting on one of my brightest smiles reserved for my family and my best friend.

"Are you real" he replies.

I take a step back and get a better look at him. He is panting, and it seems that there is a small coating of perspiration covering Sora's body like he is very hot. Yeah Sora, I am real I say. A minute or two passes with Sora and I just starring at each other. I decide to break the silence by saying I missed him and moving the few feet from each other to enfold him in a hug.

Suddenly I feel Sora's hands on my back moving in soothing circles, and then I feel his breath on my neck. Sora what are you doing I say the pitch of my voice deepening a little. Giving us what we want he says before covering my mouth with his in a searing kiss.

His mouth feels soft and smooth just like I thought it would. I feel his tongue slip slowly across my lips in a silent plea. I open my mouth to Sora and he starts to gently massage my tongue with his. I try and form some coherent thought but Soras hands have moved lower into my shorts holding me against him.

Suddenly Sora pushes me up against a wall and raises me up while still maintaining our kiss. I can feel Sora slowly start to grind into me and I can't but help let out small noises of pleasure. One of Soras hand reaches around and starts to massage my thigh. As soon this little make out session started it stops, as we both here Soras mother start here ascent up the stairs.

He lowers me down to the floor and grabs his shirt he discarded from before. As he puts it on we can hear the footsteps of his approaching mother. Soras arm had stopped bleeding a little while ago but there is a red stain on his shirt that is noticeable so, he grabs a towel and covers his arm. I wonder why he was doing this. He probably cut himself opening one of the boxes but I wouldn't want my mother to see me hurt either.

As the form of Soras mother appears in the door way she scans us with her critical mother's eye. "

What's going on up hear"." I thought I heard noises" she says. I was about to reply, but Sora beat me to it.

"Where were just messing around unpacking my things". She gives him a doubting look but none the less buys it for now.

She then turns to me and asks me if I will be staying for dinner. I say no, that I probably should be heading home now anyway. She accepts this and proceeds back down stairs. I turn to Sora and ask him if I will see him tomorrow and he says sure. I tell him bye and turn myself towards the door.

I get about three steps to the door when I feel his hand on my shoulder. I slowly turn around, he moves up and gives me one last kiss and says yeah tomorrow and exits the bathroom leaving me with my thoughts.

**POV: Sora**

I think I started to use drugs about two years after I started cutting. I was at a party when someone offered them to me. I had heard a lot about drugs mostly about there side affects but I also heard of the escape it gave. I wanted it. I wanted it more than anything else I had ever wanted something in this live, except death.

The first thing I had tried was heroin. After that first time that's all I ever took. It took seconds to take effect but when it did it felt like you were flying. All of your problems disappeared, and you knew every one you cared for was ok. Nothing mattered when I was on a fix. Even those bewitching eyes couldn't take hold until about an hour or two after I first inject. I knew of the side affect of taking heroin but I was always careful. Even though a voice in my head whispered it would be ok to just take a little more.

Sometimes I just wanted to give in and take a little more but I knew there would never be enough to satisfy me one day. I often thought of over dose but decided I should suffer for what I did to my father, by getting him killed. As I look back on my trips I can't help but feel discussed with my self at times. Questions like why I am so weak go by in my mind and I realize I have no answers but only excuses.

When I first combined cutting and heroin together it was a high I have never experienced before, and all I knew was that it gave me an escape for hours. It gave me the freedom from my body while still feeling the pain I deserve. I have yet to find something so liberating, except… when I was kissing him. After I injected I felt the drugs take over and then there he was like so many times before except today it was real. At least I think it was. My mind is so screwed up now I can't tell what real from what's… not.

That few minutes that we were kissing I felt more alive then I have in a long time. It was an even higher high then the drugs and cutting but I know it can never happen again. I am to dirty for him, and I don't think there will ever be a way for me to become clean ever again. Sometimes I like to sit and think of the time I was innocent, but reality always has a way of breaking through my little day dream. It brings me back to a live that I don't want that's full of pain and regret but, that's history I guess.

As I sit on my bed I think of how he has changed. His hair is longer now about half way down his back. His face is still beautiful and refined, although it has become a little more chiseled over the years. He still has those same eyes, just as I have remembered them. I hear a knock at my door and know it's my mother.

I am still partially on my high and am in no condition to talk to her, but all I hear is dinners in five minutes and her retreating foot steps. I think she knows what I do. She always knows, and when she asked about it for some reason I couldn't lie to her. She wants me to come to her with my problems on my own, but I can't. I know I can't. She couldn't handle my problems even though she says she can.

I love my mother. She's the only person who didn't leave, unlike my father, my grandparents and him. I sent him so many postcards for year, but I never got anything in return. No notes, postcards, pictures or letters. It killed a small part of my heart. I think I loved him, but I always figure that I was young, and didn't know any better.

I decide to go down stairs and face my mother, and as I start to get up I hear a noise at the window. I don't remember opening it. I make my way towards it and shut it when I feel the presence of someone behind me. Hello Sora I hear before a blinding pain in my skull.

AV: Hi. Okay let me first say I am horrible for not updating and second I am sorry. I left it with a cliff hanger for to long, and I hated writers that did that.

Alec: Yep she odes

Lynx: I agree

AV: (looks suspiciously at muses)

Muses: What

AV: Why are you agreeing?

Alec: Because if we argue it looks bad to the reviewers.

Lynx: AKA you give us cookies so we agree.

AV: Ok what ever works. Speaking of reviewers I would like to extend my thanks to angel of light and darkness16, Jade Higurashi, DancingMistress, PyroFirePower, and kmwsweetness.

Alec: Your reviews were much appreciated.

Lynx: Yep

AV: Okay sorry about lack of updating please review. I will have the next chapter out sooner and remember the more reviews show me how many people are interested, so they make me write faster. That's all. Amas Veritas.


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